Winning at cards

Photo by Jack Hamilton on Unsplash

I was going to call this post ‘Beating Lesbians at Cards’ – not only because my fellow card players happen to be lesbians, but also because beating lesbians at cards is something of a novelty, for me at least.

At the risk of perpetuating harmful stereotypes, I’ve never met a lesbian who couldn’t beat me at cards, just as I’ve never met a lesbian who couldn’t beat me at crazy golf. My friends Mary and Val are no exceptions.

But then I thought again about the wording and how easily “beating lesbians” might be misconstrued. And as every loser knows, it isn’t the beating that matters. It’s the taking part – and winning. So ‘winning at cards’ it is.

Mary, Val and I have been playing cards for some time. The first time, I won. Every time since then, I’ve lost – and lost badly. The stakes are low – we play for a pound a game – but tensions are always high. All three of us are fiercely competitive.

Many are the times I’ve muttered “damn your eyeballs!” under my breath whenever one of them produced a winning hand. Many more are the times I’ve said those words aloud. Mary and Val are just as bad. We take winning seriously. We take losing even more seriously. And I’ve been on a losing streak for far too long.

Until the other night, when I lost the first few rounds but made an unexpected comeback with a lucky final hand. Pocketing my winnings, I allowed myself a small moment of triumph on what had been a challenging day.

Earlier, I’d received notice that the joint application to dissolve my civil partnership had entered the final stage. I know it’s the right move for both of us, but the finality of it hit me hard. So I’m grateful to Val for inviting me for dinner, and to her and Mary for being such good losers. My winnings weren’t exactly life changing. But even a small win felt significant.

On Tuesday I drew on my DIY skills and helped my friend Sam to hang her new curtains. Sam is someone who believes in celebrating small triumphs, whether it’s successfully hanging new curtains, enjoying a delicious home cooked meal or sharing a moment of joy on social media. Her favourite hashtag is #WinningAtLife

I don’t particularly feel that I’m winning at life right now. But I do count my blessings and I try not to wallow in self pity, even when the weather seems determined to make us all as miserable as possible. It’s rained for days and looks set to continue for another week at least.

There’s a song by David McAlmont and HiFi Sean called ‘Celebrate’, from their recent album Daylight – not that we’ve seen much of that lately. They performed it live at Polari in Heaven a few years ago, and went down a storm.

I’ve been listening to this song a lot. The chorus goes “my instinct for survival is to celebrate.” This sounds to me like good advice. So I’m taking winning at cards and successfully hanging Sam’s curtains as causes for celebration.

Today I’m off to the dentist. I doubt there’ll be much worth celebrating. But I consider myself fortunate to still have an NHS dentist and most of my own teeth. Plus, my dentist is gay, handsome and the loveliest of men.

So if nothing else happens today, I’m #WinningAtDentistry

Sam will be proud of me.

© 2026 Paul Burston